The worst of me

I try my best to be strong. But I do fail. My heart and my feelings do fail me. I have no will or strength to go on whatsoever. Where one drama ends, the next one begins. Every day, every hour , every minute and even every single second. No day passes without sheding tears, a lot of them. I know it all, I know how bad and mean and horrible he was at moments, but the fact is : I miss him and I feel so damn lonely without him. I expect him to come home every now and than. I don't like going out, seeing people. Waking up in the mornings is a torture nowadays. I am scared and shocked. I have gone through rough and harsh times a lot, but the light's never been so dim and far away.