Paris Hilton Loses Vagina

Socialite and tabletop dancer Paris Hilton has lost her vagina. The heiress presented herself to the Cedars-Sinai emergency department in Beverly Hills in the early hours of Wednesday morning traumatised.

According to nurses she was sobbing uncontrollably, lifting her skirt up and screaming "its gone, Dr Phil McGraw took it." Nurses confirm the vagina was indeed missing and had been replaced with a ripe peach.

Paris had earlier been tabledancing as usual at the Lax nightclub. "We could all see up her skirt, she had no panties on and were amazed to see her vagina was missing" said one partygoer adding "people started asking for the money they had been throwing at her back, I mean who wants to pay to look at a peach, Paris then lifted her skirt, when she looked down and saw her vagina was missing she screamed and ran out of the club."

NCIS Special Agent Tony DeNozzio is said to be following the lead that Paris's vagina may have been replaced with a peach by Dr Phil McGraw as he is known to have stolen a banana from a fruit basket whilst visiting Britney Spears at the weekend. "I have yet to put my finger on it, at the moment Abbey is in her lab testing the basket to look for traces of peach DNA, we are also interviewing all staff, patients and visitors at the hospital to see if any of them remember exactly what fruits were in that basket." said DeNozzio.

Cleaners at the Lax nighclub say they have searched under all the tables at the club and there is no sign of Paris's missing vagina.